In this blog post and Podcast, Chris discusses two primary ways to motivate people: through aspirations and threats. He underscores the importance of having a meaningful routine and spending time in solitude to understand one’s true feelings. Chris shares personal anecdotes to illustrate how aspirations can lose their motivational power over time while threats can drive sustained action if managed properly. He also reflects on the sacrifices made by previous generations, like his father’s, and contrasts them with his own approach to balancing career and personal life. Chris concludes by highlighting the importance of awareness in leadership and hints at discussing inspiration in future sessions.

Hi, it’s Chris, keeping it messy and sustaining the practice up here on Ben Buckler, sharing my daily routine with you.

The Importance of Routine

As I mentioned in yesterday’s podcast, having a routine is crucial, but what you do in that routine is even more important. For example, you might go to the gym for an hour a day and consider it a fixed part of your schedule. However, it’s worth questioning if you really need to spend a full hour there. Could three quarters of an hour or even half an hour suffice?

One essential part of my morning routine, after checking emails, doing a few stretches, kissing the kids, saying goodbye to Jess for the day, and before having breakfast, is to spend time alone.

The Value of Solitude

When I talk about being alone, I don’t mean being alone with my phone, my thoughts, or simply the concept of being alone. I mean being in a space where I can truly feel what I feel. Often, we ask, “What’s in your heart today?” It sounds simple, but when coaching, this is the critical question I want to know because what’s in your heart manifests in your life.

Even with over 50 years of personal development experience, I often find myself unsure of what’s in my heart due to the demands of fulfilling others’ needs and dealing with life’s immediate challenges. It’s easier to recognize what you feel rather than what’s truly in your heart. Sometimes, it takes about 15 minutes of sitting alone in a café, sipping coffee, and not interacting with anyone to let these feelings surface.

Motivating Through Aspiration and Threat

Today’s topic is motivation. There are two primary ways to motivate oneself and others: aspiration and threat. The first method is to find something that a person aspires to and link a behaviour, habit, action, or change to that aspiration. This method works as long as the person’s aspiration remains clear and strong.

The second method is threat-based. It involves identifying what a person fears most. By linking a solution to this fear, you create a powerful motivator. For instance, saving money might not be immediately appealing, but if framed as a way to avoid financial dependency in old age, it becomes more compelling.

The Psychology of Aspiration

Aspirations can be tricky because they are often like fleeting thoughts. You might aspire to own something luxurious, like a Maserati, and motivate yourself to work harder by imagining the joy of owning it. However, the emotional gratification from simply thinking about it can diminish your actual drive to achieve it. This is a common pitfall where the virtual achievement of an aspiration reduces the necessity to work through the hardships to attain it.

This phenomenon is similar in leadership. People often imagine the perks of high-level positions without fully grasping the challenges. As they get closer to these roles, the reality becomes less glamorous, which can weaken their motivation.

The Role of Threat in Motivation

Threats are also significant motivators. For instance, someone might start a weight loss program due to the threat of health issues or social perceptions. Initially, the threat is powerful enough to instigate change, but as they progress and start seeing positive results, the initial threat diminishes, potentially causing a loss of motivation.

The Complexity of Aspirations

Aspirations often come with conditions. When people list their goals, they must also consider the price they are willing to pay. Many aren’t willing to sacrifice family time, health, financial security, or relationships for their aspirations. This conditional nature of aspirations can make them fragile, leading to delays and compromises.

Historical Perspectives on Sacrifice

In previous generations, sacrifices for career and financial stability were more accepted. For example, my father prioritised his career over his health, social life, and even family relationships, driven by the necessity to provide as the sole breadwinner. This concept of sacrifice varies across generations, with each having different priorities and ‘as long as’ conditions.

Balancing Aspirations and Sacrifices

In the world my father lived in, sacrificing personal well-being for career success was the norm. He worked tirelessly, prioritising his role as the breadwinner over everything else, to ensure that we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. Despite the toll it took on his health and personal life, he saw this sacrifice as his duty.

In contrast, my approach and priorities are different. My life experiences, including multiple divorces and having my birth children live with their mother, have shaped a different mindset. My ‘as long as’ conditions reflect a balance between personal well-being and career aspirations. This isn’t about right or wrong; it’s about understanding and acknowledging our personal thresholds and motivations.

Writing Down Aspirations and Boundaries

To truly understand and respect our aspirations, it’s essential to make them tangible. Write down your goals and the conditions you’re unwilling to sacrifice for them. For instance, if you aim to be in the C-suite but refuse to compromise on family time, health, or personal relationships, note these down. This clarity helps you navigate the journey without losing sight of what truly matters.

The Reality of Aspirations

As you progress towards your goals, the initial excitement often gives way to the reality of the challenges involved. Every step up in responsibility comes with its own set of costs. It’s crucial to assess whether you’re willing to pay these costs and whether the role you aspire to is as fulfilling as it seemed initially.

The Third Form of Motivation: Inspiration

While today we’ve focused on aspiration and threat as motivators, there’s a third form of drive—Inspiration. This concept deserves its own discussion and will be covered in a future blog post. For now, it’s vital to understand that awareness is a foundational level of conscious leadership. We’ve explored being mindful of the body, feelings, and mind, and it’s important to master these before moving on to higher levels of awareness and responsibility.

Stay tuned for more insights on conscious leadership and the journey towards achieving your aspirations.

This is Chris, you have a beautiful day. Bye for now.

Thanks for tuning in to ‘The Anti-Guru Guru Show.’ If you enjoyed this post, share it with a friend who needs a reality check. Until next time, keep it real, keep it messy, and keep practicing. See you soon!